Pretty Feet

I have not written about how I have been feeling in this blog yet.
I have hesitated writing about the physicality of my experience and I intentionally did not start my blog with the "symptoms."  I have been very cautious because I do not want it interpreted as a form of self diagnosis or regarded as a proclaimation of MS related symptoms.  In saying this, it does not make sense to write a blog and omit what I am experiencing.
As in a previous blog I need to issue a disclaimer, I do not claim to be a medical professional and therefore cannot attribute my symptoms to any disease.  If someone is reading my blog because they are concerned about their health, it would be advised to seek medical attention.
It has almost been a year since I started feeling different.  I feel negligent saying that, however I did seek medical attention, unfortunately I did so believing that I knew what the problem was.  A year ago I went on birth control and it was just over a month later when I began feeling not well.  When I went to my doctor to tell him how I felt I attributed the sudden change in my health to the new medication.  The doctor did not see the correlation and still I wonder if my bias affected the type of testing that was done.
Whatever it is that I am experiencing began in November 2010 with me feeling extremely fatigued and achy and it seemed situated mostly in my legs.  The most common experience that I can think of comparing it to is the achiness that you feel the day before the flu or a bad cold hits.  That was how I felt every day for weeks.  I was exhausted climbing stairs or walking across campus.  My knees felt like they were on fire and from time to time (but not regularly) my foot would go numb or tingly (like pins were covering it).  These were the symptoms that I went to the doctor with. 
His first round of tests focused on Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus along with other disorders.  We met again after the tests came back negative and I told my doctor that I had been having vertigo more frequently (I commonly experience it a couple of times a year) and wondered if that could be related?  That was the first time that he mentioned MS testing but at the time I shrugged it off as an absurdity, still clinging to my theory of side effects from the drugs I was on.  The doctor referred me to an ENT doctor and also decided to placate me by taking me off of the drugs to see if the symptoms subsided, by this time it was March 2011. 
By May my lips, thumb and index finger were periodically going numb and my right foot would become incredibly itchy but I did not report this to any doctor, I figured it was all in my head.  Conversely, I was feeling "better," I was not fatigued after stopping the birth control and by the time I saw the ENT doctor in June my vertigo had subsided as well. Still, the doctor ordered the MRI and sent me to London for balance testing (it turned out that my balance was pretty bad for my age).  The results came back in August and the MRI showed Nonspecific Change (which I was told is nothing to worry about)  and my balance test showed some damage in my left inner ear that was old and which I had compensated for.  The ENT doctor dismissed me and told me that vertigo was probably just something that I would have throughout my life.
It was the end of August when I started to feel the fatigue come on again.  I chalked it up to stress.  I had just finished my undergrad, I was getting three boys ready to start school, I was preparing for my Masters and my husband was embarking on a new job.  It was no wonder that I was tired. I excused the fact that my feet were tingling more frequently as pyschological rather than physiological.
That brings us to today.  In honesty, anything that I have been feeling over the past couple of weeks I have been discrediting as psychosomatic due to my new knowledge of MS.  You may have noticed that I keep putting symptoms in quotations, that is intentional.  Yet, today I am exhausted, so tired that I could have slept the whole day away.  Not only exhausted, my left foot feels like it is bound too tightly so that it tingles in a painful way that makes me want to compensate by not putting pressure on it.  In fact, I loosened my shoes and cursed my bulky socks several times today.  Throughout the day I have completely lost sensation in my foot and just when I wonder if it has gone numb, I feel a prickling sensation crawl up from the sole of my foot, curling around to the top and continuing up into my ankle. It is hard to not think about the enormity of what is going on with these daily reminders.

I took my socks off tonight and looked at my feet.  I have always loved my feet and even thought that they are kind of pretty (for feet).  My vanity seems ironic in contrast to the way my feet have made me feel as of late.  They may look pretty but they feel anything but!